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Chat GPT, Can You Write My Book For Me?

Camilla Monk designs sleek websites for book industry professionals and writes high-octane nonsense. She lives in Montréal, where she feeds the squirrels and tries to raise a toddler.

I’m making this easier for everyone! Here’s my prompt to the now infamous bot: “Can you write me the first chapter of a book very similar to Spotless by Camilla Monk?”

And here’s your first chap, ready for submission.

Chapter One: The Unlikely Cleaner

Angelica Rodriguez had never expected to find herself cleaning up crime scenes for a living. In fact, the idea had never even crossed her mind until the day she stumbled upon a dead body in the apartment next door.

She had been minding her own business, coming home from her job as a waitress at a local diner, when she noticed the door to apartment 2B ajar. Being a good neighbor, she pushed it open to check on the occupant, only to find him lying on the floor in a pool of blood. [She’s not being a good neighbor. She’s being a super creep.]

Angelica had screamed, attracting the attention of the other tenants in the building, and the police had soon arrived to investigate. As they questioned her about what she had seen, Angelica couldn’t help but notice the mess that the crime scene had become. Blood was splattered on the walls and floor, and there were bits of gore everywhere. [The neighbor… exploded?]

It was then that a police officer approached her and asked if she knew anyone who could help clean up the apartment. Apparently, the police didn’t handle that sort of thing themselves. [No, but they don’t ask total randos to grab a mop either. Chat GPT, where are you going with this?]

Angelica hesitated, but then the officer mentioned that there was money to be made in crime scene cleanup. Lots of it. [Hang on, we’re missing something here. Does this imply that he coaxed her into cleaning that dead body?]

And that’s how Angelica found herself starting her own business as a crime scene cleaner. It wasn’t glamorous work, and it certainly wasn’t for the faint of heart, but she was good at it. She had a knack for finding every last drop of blood and making sure the scene was spotless. [NAILED IT!]

Over time, Angelica built up a reputation as the best cleaner in town. She had a steady stream of clients, including the police department and local businesses. But despite her success, she couldn’t help feeling like something was missing. She had always dreamed of doing something more with her life, something that would make a difference in the world. [And in her writing.]

Little did she know, her chance was just around the corner. [BOOM: a page-turner that ends with a perfect cliffhanger.]


Could you get away with indie-publishing this? Yes. It won’t get you rave reviews, but you might be able to con a few readers into buying it.

Could you shop it to agents? No one’s stopping you, but the chance for a response is extremely low unless you spice it up with something—anything—to give it flavor. I’d go for a dark romance where the weird cop starts hitting on her as she mops guts and feces off the floor (after he pressured her into it with sketchy innuendos.) Make sure your query letter starts with an explicit promise of “sex scenes on crime scenes.” You may get a couple of rewrite requests that will start with: “Rebecca, I absolutely believe we have an audience for this if we can make your writing marginally more compelling.”

Could you get a Big 5 to publish it? In a heartbeat, but only if you’re already a bestselling author of commercial fiction that they’re pressuring into pumping out more and more books ASAP. They’ll just toss your draft over to the developmental and copy editors without reading it, and it will be up to these unsung heroes to salvage your future Goodreads rating. (Well them, and a helluva lot of TikTok promo.)

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Romancelandia, a short story by Camilla Monk
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